Forgiveness for Paco

Have you heard the story of Paco and his father?

Legend has it that Paco and his dad had been estranged for what seemed like forever. They had not spoken for years and it did not look good for their relationship moving forward. One day, Paco’s father had enough and decided that he would be the one to step forward to heal the relationship and once again be a dad to his son. So, what does the dad do? He decides to take out an ad in the local newspaper in Mexico. He writes, “PACO. THIS IS YOUR FATHER. ALL IS FORGIVEN. MEET ME IN THE CATHEDRAL AT TOWN SQUARE TOMORROW AT NOON. I LOVE YOU!”

You can imagine the anxiety the dad must have had. Would Paco show up at the cathedral? Would the meeting be full of tension and anger? I imagine he even questioned why he placed the ad in the first place.

What about Paco? Did Paco read the ad and wonder what meeting his dad for the first time in years would be like? Was Paco remembering all the angry words that had been spoken and all the tears and frustration that had been surrounding their relationship? Do you think Paco wavered back and forth between the ideas of meeting his dad and just not showing up at all?

Forgiveness.

It’s a painful process. Actual forgiveness is not painful. It’s amazing, refreshing, liberating, fun and loving. But the process is painful.

Why is it painful? Because the process requires remembering all the discomfort associated with the need for forgiveness. When we explore the idea of forgiving someone or offering forgiveness, we remember the hurt, the tears and the anger that caused the situation in the beginning.

I grew up in a good family. I know my mom and dad loved me. But my dad and I did not have a close relationship. As I became a teenager, my relationship with him became even more distant and tension-filled. It was both our faults. My dad was the stereotypical dad of that era, focusing on providing for his family instead of dealing with the emotions of his kids. Seriously, this was a real thing. If you grew up in my time, you know this. My dad wasn’t horrible, he was just doing the best he could. And me? I was a selfish teenage boy. Ha! I don’t even need to explain that to you, do I? You’ve seen it. You’re picturing it. That was me.

Then forgiveness happened. He asked for forgiveness. I asked for forgiveness. “All was forgiven.” We moved on and he once again became my hero. We grew so close during the last years of his life. Forgiveness transformed both of us so much that I know that my son has no comprehension of that situation when I tell him about it. Neither me nor my dad fit that description anymore.

I talked about this before at the 2nd anniversary of my father’s death. That was a healing writing for me. I needed to share that with you all…for me. My dad didn’t need that, obviously. That was about me.

I’ve heard that failing to forgive someone is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. It’s just not healthy to live with unforgiveness in your life. Forgiveness is not just about the other person…it’s about you.

So, dad, how about you? How would forgiveness transform your relationship with your dad? With your son? Like Paco or like Paco’s dad, that first step may be the most difficult. As you enter into it, you may second-guess your decision. You will hurt all over again as you remember all the pain associated with the need for forgiveness. But that pain cannot be stuffed any longer. Forgiveness will finally allow that pain to be released.

It needs to happen. Even if the relationship isn’t healed. It needs to happen.

Do it! You need it! He needs it!

Continuing the story of Paco and his dad…What happened the next day at noon at the cathedral? Did Paco show? Did his dad show?

The next day, at noon, Paco’s dad stood nervously at the cathedral hoping and praying that his son, Paco would show and “all would be forgiven.”

And to highlight the need in so many lives for forgiveness…

14 Pacos showed up.

Thanks Pops!